What the fuck am I doing,with this man (11 months later)

 I asked myself

What the fuck am I doing, with this man 

After I watched Baby Reindeer

I was sure I deserved someone better

It was the three of us

Everything was fine

Than we found out

You were were engaged with someone else 

I just tried so hard 

To love you 

But you were a difficult person to love

Yes we did had some fun

But what you preached wasn't what we got

I fell in love with your best friend 

She used to treat me the way I deserved 

If both of you were drowning

I wouldn't think twice 

Before I saved her

I saw you on top of the pulpit

I wrote some of your sermons 

You were sleeping with everyone

While you spoke about celibacy

My father used to say that abuse

Was just things I made up in my head

And after he met you

He became a part 

Of a radical feminist group

Far away from you 

So much closer to love

And to the divine

-x-